{"id":548,"date":"2023-09-18T19:51:54","date_gmt":"2023-09-19T02:51:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/?p=548"},"modified":"2023-09-18T19:54:02","modified_gmt":"2023-09-19T02:54:02","slug":"random-thoughts-on-grief-birthdays-and-salves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/random-thoughts-on-grief-birthdays-and-salves\/","title":{"rendered":"Random Thoughts on Grief, Birthdays and Salves (not necessarily in that order)"},"content":{"rendered":"

So, I was sitting staring at a blank screen with its unrelenting blinking cursor, which I have to say is more than a tad mocking, maybe even bordering on threatening, at the very least I get a distinct whiff of ridicule from that cursed cursor.\u00a0 Okay maybe I\u2019m anthropomorphising that stinking blinking line a bit too much, but I mean back off!\u00a0 Anyway, I was trying to figure out the topic for this blog, when I decided to go through some of my old notebooks to see if there was any forgotten gold lurking in there, and I can say without a doubt, YES!\u00a0 But here\u2019s the problem with the way I write idea notes, a lot of them are just single words, and if I managed to write full sentences, they\u2019re mostly illegible, because I scribbled it down way too fast and\/or may have been having a small stroke at the time. \u00a0I might have written the world\u2019s funniest joke, but when I try to decipher it now, it looks like What\u2019s in this music bread?<\/p>\n

Being able to read the words isn\u2019t much help either.\u00a0 For example, on one page I just wrote ungulates. That\u2019s it.\u00a0 I have no idea if there was an idea because I cunningly wrote nothing else. \u00a0Now, on any given day the word ungulates just by itself is pretty funny.\u00a0 But put it in a sentence\u2026<\/p>\n

Doctor, these ungulates are really bothering me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell change to cotton underwear.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yeh, it makes absolutely no sense, but those ungulates are hilarious, am I right?<\/p>\n

Here’s a joke I did manage to decipher: I saw a Smart Car going through a carwash and I thought, why don\u2019t they save the money and just put it in the dishwasher?<\/p>\n

That\u2019s a small car joke. \u00a0Or maybe a small joke about a car.<\/p>\n

But as I was flipping through these pages filled with my nonsense, it suddenly occurred to me that it was Bob\u2019s birthday.\u00a0 September 19th<\/sup>.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve read my previous blogs, you know that Bob is my late husband. \u00a0It\u2019s been about six and a half years since he crossed over the Rainbow Bridge and I thought perhaps I needed to pause and think about how this all has progressed since he escaped my clutches. \u00a0I guess I would say for the most part, this process has unfolded the way it does for most people.\u00a0 For the first few years it was like the absolute worst ride at Disneyland, the only difference being at the happiest place on earth, you can get off the ride, and they give you a barf bag.\u00a0 It\u2019s not as intense as that now, but there are moments.\u00a0 Let\u2019s review the stats for, say, the last 6 months- 4 Bob dreams.\u00a0 1 crying spell in yoga.\u00a0 Countless streamer binges. 137 large bags of Boom Chicka Pop.\u00a0 I\u2019d call that progress.<\/p>\n

Here’s where I think I am a bit stuck; I\u2019m still struggling with getting rid of some of his things.\u00a0 Of course, everybody has to deal with this in their own time and when they feel comfortable. \u00a0I did a lot of clearing out of his clothes maybe by the end of the first year.\u00a0 But what I\u2019ve had trouble with are the things that really defined him.\u00a0 We all have those things.\u00a0 With my Mother, it\u2019s her handbag.\u00a0 I think in all of her life, she was never more than 3 feet away from her bag.\u00a0 Years ago, when she came to stay with us for a few days, she moved around that house with her handbag stuck to her, as if Bob and I were ex-cons, terrified we might grab it one day and finally rob her of all her Kleenex and Ricola cough drops.\u00a0 So, almost five years later, I still have her handbag in my closet.<\/p>\n

But with Bob? Well okay, I still have a few Hawaii shirts, because he loved them and Hawaii. And I have a few ball caps that he liked to wear.\u00a0 But what\u2019s the thing that absolutely one hundred percent defines him?\u00a0 Ointment.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Ointment.\u00a0 Not one particular ointment.\u00a0 ALL of them.\u00a0 And not just ointments.\u00a0 Creams too, if it didn\u2019t come in an ointment.\u00a0 Or if the cream was absorbed better than the ointment.\u00a0 I still have cupboards filled with these various and sundry tubes and I can\u2019t bring myself to dump them because I feel like I\u2019m throwing Bob away.\u00a0 But also, I might cut myself or burn my hand on the stove, and then I\u2019ll really need an ointment and I won\u2019t have any.<\/p>\n

Bob was always prepared and so the other item that I still can\u2019t part with is his travel kit, or toiletry bag.\u00a0 This thing probably weighs ten pounds, or in metric a thousand kilos!\u00a0 Do I need to tell you that it is filled with ointments of every kind, but also just about everything else you might need while travelling; a manicure set, bandages, oral wound cleaner, glasses repair kit, sewing kit, can opener. Of course, this wasn\u2019t a bad thing.\u00a0 He and I travelled a lot and as you can imagine, my toiletry kit consisted entirely of make-up and Smarties.\u00a0 So, I relied on him a lot.\u00a0 Headache? He\u2019s got Advil. I can\u2019t get this bag of Oreos open?\u00a0 He\u2019s got a Swiss Army Knife.\u00a0 I mean, he could quite literally have performed open-heart surgery if necessary, and I guarantee there would have been NO infection, thanks to his array of ointments! \u00a0That\u2019s how well equipped that kit was.\u00a0 And I just can\u2019t let it go\u2026yet.<\/p>\n

Happy Birthday Bob. \u00a0I hope wherever you are, you have ointment to your heart\u2019s content. xx<\/p>\n

\"Linda

In his favourite of all places. Ointments may have been applied.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, I was sitting staring at a blank screen with its unrelenting blinking cursor, which I have to say is more than a tad mocking, maybe even bordering on threatening, at the very least I get a distinct whiff of ridicule from that cursed cursor.\u00a0 Okay maybe I\u2019m anthropomorphising that stinking blinking line a bit […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-548","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-uncategorized","7":"entry","8":"has-post-thumbnail"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/548","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=548"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/548\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":553,"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/548\/revisions\/553"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=548"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=548"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindacullen.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=548"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}