Well of course I made New Year’s resolutions. Have I been successful? Does the Pope like people French kissing his ring? Does Donald Trump know good words? Are Harry and Meghan hiding out with me in my condo? Exactly.
Let me tell you about this year’s suite of resolutions. First, I made a resolution to NOT make any more resolutions! Why put this pressure on myself again, knowing full well there’s a messy trail of broken and smashed resolutions strewn in my wake that goes back 61 years, if not to previous lives.
Who am I trying to impress? That’s right, Oprah. I would love to prove to Oprah that I could stick to at least ONE thing. I feel that if you could do something, anything that impresses Oprah, you can dine out on that for the rest of your life!
I guess I’ll be dining in this year, because…
I dumped the ‘no resolutions’ plan once I realized I was going to have to find some kind of strategy to stop shoving all the sugary, chocolatey, starchy, boozy substances that I had been shoving in my mouth through the holiday season, and a resolution seemed like the best way to go.
So, Resolution #2; January 1st, back to healthy eating! I jettisoned that one roughly nine hours into the new year, when I discovered I had no healthy bread to go with my healthy eggs for breakfast, so I whipped up some pumpkin chocolate chip muffins. It was like the UK crashing out of the EU, only with a lot more cream cheese icing.
There was a sub-category to Res. #2, which was Taking Care of Myself. Taking care of myself?! Who comes up with this crap??? Oh, right…Oprah. Well, I do want to take care of myself, stay as strong as possible as I head into the mouldy years…sorry, I mean the Golden Years! (It’s just…um, there is kind of a funny smell, maybe I have a dampness problem) But there are just so many things that you need to do to keep your body, brain and spirit in good shape, and you’re supposed to do them every day!
Here’s what I should be doing daily:
- Wake up (always a good start)
- Healthy green juice breakfast
- Forest Bathe
- Learn new language
- Green juice lunch
- Tango lesson
- Hygge my house
- Marie Kondo my drawers
- Interact socially
- Walk a dog
- Pet a cat
- Tossed greens dinner (How much kale can a body consume?)
- Read War and Peace
- Go to bed
Here’s what I do:
- Wake up
- Get up…(I think you know what I’m saying)
- Inhale a 6 pack of Tim’s sour cream glazed
- Pluck chin hairs
- Go to bed
I’m feeling really good about 2021…